Kyo Sohma's FMLS
by Fufuluff
Summary: Kyo's life sucks as the "Cat" already. But, what happens when Shigure gives him a diary to record all the unfortunate events? Step inside to Kyo's FMLS!
1. November

_**Author's Notes;** Hey Everyone! Fufu here. ;3 With a new fanfiction at hand!_ _ SaRAWRmay, helped me with this one. Call it collab. xD Ahah! I hope you enjoy. Now, please remember, chapters will only be added is reviews are made! SO! Review. Plus, this is kind of like a never-ending story. It's written, when I have nothing else to do. Anyway, read, enjoy, laugh! (Oh, and if you don't know what FML is, check it out. Google it. It stand for: "F*ck My Life", by the way. :3)_

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**Kyo's FMLS.**

**October, 31.**

Okay. Hi. I don't even know how to use a fucking diary. But for some fucking reason- Shigure gave one to me. Apparently I have to vent my anger in different ways. I'm going to neuter that dog when he's sleeping. Anyway, it's Halloween. –No Shit!- And, Tohru and that damn rat went to go supervise Kisa and Hiro tricker treating. Tohru wanted me to go, but who would want to go with that annoying brat? –God! He makes me wanna punch a baby.- To me; Halloween is just a time where girls can all dress up like sluts. It's like asking for Shigure to come out after them. –Which he would, damn perv.- Last Halloween; some kid took my damn candy. Fuck Halloween.

**November, 3.**

Today at school, I took a shit and everyone heard me. Now the damn Yankee called me: "Orange Shitter."

**November, 6.**

Tohru wanted me to go grab some groceries. I went, obviously. It wasn't like I was going to make her go all the way there. She seemed pretty crappy today. For once, she didn't even friggen insist that she do the house-hold cleaning, cooking. –Which meant Yuki cooked Breakfast. Disgusting.- All she did was sit on her bed, moaning and clutching her… stomach? I don't know, she looked beat. Long story short, I went. Obviously, I got everything on the list. Milk, cheese, bread, rice, leeks, -yuck, - but then I had realized why Tohru looked so bad this morning. She needed tampons. Arisa worked at the counter. Now I'm called: "Orange-Tampon-Shitter."

**November, 13.**

Yuki beat me again, in front of everyone at the park. All in all, I got sent home because my friggen outfit was covered in mud. I was actually having fun. Tohru, Yankee, and creepy-electric girl, Hana were there.  
Haru and Momiji tug along too. –Hate them.- We were all playing the game of Frisbee while Tohru set up the picnic basket. I had Momiji on my team, as well as Hana. Damn Yuki got Haru and Yankee. Not fair teams. All in all, my face hurts.

**November, 20. **

Ayame came over today, and as usual, brought some samples of new clothes, his latest catalogue, business cards… you know, the usual. Sadly, he brought "Ayame's Draft Book!" A book in which he drafts out new dresses that were requested, or just random ideas that pop into mind. –Really disturbing.- Anyway, apparently some guy had the same "structure" as me. Same height, same weight, really weird. Before I knew it, I'm in a dress. The worst part- I looked good.

**November, 27.**

I went for a walk today, I was kind of upset. Yuki beat me again. –Damn!- I went out for a walk around town, not paying attention. It was kinda calming. Anyway, in the distance I heard dogs barking hysterically. It was a dog daycare, apparently. I didn't care, so I just kept walking. Pretty soon, I had found out someone left the damn gate open. Poodles aren't that friendly.

**November, 30.**

Last day of November. Not special. At all. Tohru made me go out and look at the "pretty-fall-leaves."  
It was normal, I was kind of shocked. The only thing pissing me off was that Yuki was there, and Tohru and Yuki were giggling like idiots. Anyway, kind of relief from all the crap that's been happening. Anyway. Bye November.

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_**Author's Notes;** So, did you like it? Did it mentally scare you!? Or did you laugh? :3 I hope you laughed. I HOPE YOU REVIEW! They are loved. I need to be more popular. Ahahah... Anywhom. Read up the next Chapter, okay?_


	2. December

_**Author's Notes;** SaRAWRmay, helped me again with this chapter. And she will be doing a collab with me on this whole damn story! xD Ahahah! Anyway, hope you like this Chapter. It's me and SaRAWR's fabvourite. Out of the two. REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!_

**December, 1. **

Hi. Yeah, I didn't expect to actually still be writing in this, but I still am. Anyway, it's snowing. How cliché, it's snowing on the first day of December. Anyway, I found out by going on the roof in my pj's. I feel like I have frostbite.

**December, 5****.**

So today, I was late for damn school. Not that I care much. Okay, so I do. It isn't like I'm going to show up late… so when I realized I was late, I totally freaked out. Shigure had told me that Tohru and Yuki went ahead, thinking I'd be up in a few minutes. I was! Just a few damn minutes late. I threw on my uniform, the black top with white tie, and blah blah blah. I arrived at school, triumphing that I came in just when the bell rang. I smirked, all my class mates were looking at me. I'd show them I wouldn't be late! But that isn't really why they were looking at me. I had forgotten to put on the bottom-half of my uniform, and I was in pink boxes. Damn Yuki, not being able to do house-hold nessecities, threw in one of Tohru's red shirts, thus causing my white-boxes, to pink. Now, the Yankee calls me: "Orange-Undie-Tampon-Shitter." Is she just going to keep adding things? Anyway, I was wondering why I felt cold.

**December, 7.**

I had to go to the store again. Tohru's time of the damn month again. Arisa's still there. She won't let me live this down.

**December, 15.**

Hiro and Kisa came over today, to hang out with Tohru. As usual, Kisa and Tohru hugged, and all havoc broke loose as Hiro started to babble on and on about how Tohru is overly friendly toward Kisa. Like there's a fricken problem with being nice! They stayed for dinner, and Hiro wouldn't eat ANYTHING. He said Tohru's food was disgusting, and the worst thing he had ever eaten, and that she shouldn't be feeding that stuff to Kisa. I actually punched a baby.

**December, 20.**

Christmas is coming up, and I'm trying to buy people gifts. It's failing, so far. I mean, what more could the Sohma family want? We pretty much had enough money on our hands to buy everything we wanted. Anyway, I here I was, in a friggen mall. I bought Tohru some romanc-y book things that she liked reading. I got Yuki a rat carcass I found in an alley. Shigure, condoms. –Yeeeah…- I got Hana an electric outlet. And for the damn Yankee a new pipe. She got pissed, since she broke the last one on my head. –Twenty minutes ago. She's at the food court right now.- I bought Haru a cowbell, so now we can find him when he gets lost. Just listen for the dong, dong, dong sounds. I got Momiji stuffed toy, I got him a shark. Heh, hope he likes it. I got a stuffed tiger for Kisa, meh. For Hiro… a baby doll with its face punched , and arms cut off. I hope he gets the message. I debated on getting Kagura a gift… but instead I got myself something. A shield. Me opening her presents is her gift. I got Hatori… cotton-buds. So he can clean his ears when Ayame starts talking to him. I got Ayame fabric for his clothes, but I got him ugly ones, so hah. Ritsu, I got him a card, saying: "You're Forgiven." Heh, heh. As for Akito, I don't care for him, so I got him nothing. For everyone else, I gave them chocolate.

**December, 22.**

Everyone's putting up Christmas decorations. I tried to, really. But I broke stuff, and they yelled at me. Particularily the Yankee and the Rat. Hana helped wire the Christmas Lights. I got electrocuted. Yankee called me "Orange-Undie-Tampon-Shitter" infront of Tohru and Yuki. Yuki smiled. Damn.

**December, 25.**

**FFUUUUCKKKK**

**December, 29. **

I'm bored. End of December is coming up. Thank god, I hate the cold.

**December, 31.**

New Year's eve. Everyone is downstairs for a mini-banquet. –Yeah… so they decided to come at LUNCH TIME to celebrate WITHOUT AKITO.- I didn't have any intentions of going to the actual banquet. I mean really. Anyway, they're all here, even Tohru's stupid friends, they are all here for Lunch. Kagura's here. Damnit. Anyway, while writing this, I'm on the roof. Hiding

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_**Author's Notes;** REVIEW, see that button? It isn't hard. ;3 Just reviewww. _


	3. January

_**Author's Notes: FUFU HURR. :3 How do you like the New Chapter from me and SaRAWRmay? Of course, she wasn't with me for the... last three? So those are probably the crummy ones. But I hope you enjoy this one anyway. I won't be able to update for awhile, as me and SaRAWRmay are on Vacation... and... we're on Vacation... 0.o**_

**January, 1. **

So today's obviously the New Year, no shit. So we were headin' over to the banquet, right? Yeah that damn dog made me acutally go. Anyway. You know how we bumped into Hanajima last time, well this time, Yankee wasn't that nice about telling us to go back. She punched me twelve times, why the random number, I don't know. Apparently it was because I'm twelve millimeters taller than her. Anyway my face is bruised. Happy Fuckin' New Year.

**January, 8. **

Today Tohru was being really grumpy, and the weird part? Her friends were totally okay with it. So was Yuki, and so was Shigure. I started to get really pissed off, so Yankee told me: "She's dating Tom, damnit!" WHAT!? SINCE WHEN DID TOHRU DECIDE TO DATE? WHAT THE HELL. WHY DON'T I KNOW THIS BASTARD? WHAT IS HE DOING TO TOHRU TO MAKE HER SO ANGRY! SHE IS NEVER ANGERY. IS HE BEATING HER? I'LL TRACK HIM DOWN AND KILL HIM! Argh, Yankee, Hana, and Tohru are all going to the store. I'd rather be with them than with Pervert Dog & Damn Rat.

**January 8, Two Hours Later.**

I just came home from the store. So. Guess what happened? I saw Tohru pick up a box of tampons. Oh. Again? How many times does a girl have... I don't even wanna say. I guess Hana, with her creepy "eletrical signals" thing, must have realized that I was confused. So she comes over, and guess what she starts goin' on about!

"Do you know wh Tohru is so angry? It's because of the flow of her..." God! I can't even write it down, it's disgusting. She's goes on and on, talkin' 'bout Female Anatomy. Disgusting. Anyway, all in all, with a stupid smile on her face, she goes: "Dating Tom is a term used when girls have their... -I can't write it.-. It means: I'm having my Time Of Month." Fuck Tom!

**January, 15.**

Alright, so it's snowing outside. It's so damn cold, I can't even go on the roof. It's almost as bad as rain. Anyway, Tohru brought us all outside and we made things in the snow. Shigure built a huge igloo with Ayame. I heard giggling from inside, I feel sick.

**January, 20.**

Still snowing. Holy crap. I don't know why the hell it's so damn cold. Anyway, today Tohru brought us all outside again. It was just the three of us, Yuki, Tohru and I. It was acutally kinda peaceful, considering I hate the cold. She built a snow cat and a snow rat holding hands. Apparently, her New Year's wish was for me and Damn Yuki to get along. Kind of sucks, since mine was: I want to beat the crap out of Yuki this year.

**January, 22. **

If it snows for one more day, I'm going to shoot someone in the face. Anyway, Hiro and Kisa came over today to hang out with Tohru. She invited us to all go play on the frozen lake near by. Pretty cool, right? Anyway, Hiro was being a little show-off for Kisa, so I attempted to punch him. I slipped and broke the ice. And my nose.

**January, 26. **

After like, a week or something of snow, it's friggen melting away. Yankee and Hana come over today, I didn't really want to get involved with Tohru and her friends, but who could resist the temptation to kill Yankee when she's challenging you a game to Rich Man Poor Man. Anyway, we started to play, but then Hana, I don't know what make her think of this- suggested we go play Bloody Mary. So we all filed into the Washroom. -Weird.- And Hana turned off the lights. SHE LOOKED HAPPY, when chanting "Bloody Mary" three times to the mirror. I got so spooked, to admit. And since this is a diary and all, I can say that I was FREAKED OUT, like... Hana has NEVER gotten that look on her face- ever. I was so close to rushing out of there, when something appeared in the mirror, and took me by the neck. I was so scared, I cried a little. It was Uo. I'm waiting untill she adds something to that nickname she made.

**January, 27. **

Today, Tohru accidentally hugged Shigure. Well, thats what HE said. Anyway, Shigure still a dog at this very moment. Also, random dogs keep popping up from nowhere to sniff his ass. I seriously don't know why I even live here.

**January, 29.**

School today was immensly boring. Yankee, Hana, Tohru and I were all playing Rich Man Poor Man. Of course, Yuki was there- but he doesn't know how the hell to play. So Tohru just goes all: "Would you like to shuffle the cards?" "...Sure." I called him stupid, he responded by shuffling my face.

**January, 31. **

Almost the end of the month, I hope Febuary gets warmer. I feel sorry for all the suckers who were born in that Leap Year Day thing. Haha. Anyway, today Hatori came over and gave us all a check up for the end of the month. Apparently I'm healthy. That's weird, considering Damn Yuki shuffled my face a few days ago.

_**Author's Notes: Again, pardon for spelling mistakes and typos, and grammar, and blah blah blah. My step-brother went on my laptop and screwed everything up. Now my spell-check is for some reason in french. -.- **_

_**ANYWAY! ENJOY! REVIEW! REVIEW= MORE CHAPTERS. xD**_


	4. Febuary

**_Author's Note: FINIALLY! ANOTHER KYO'S FML! (: Hope everyone enjoys! Also, I failed to do spell check and stuff. Got lazy. Deal with the mistakes. ;3 It's VALENTINE'S. Oh... REVIEW! PLEASE. ALSO. Sorry about before with the Kaibara High Does A Musical. I was careless and selected the wrong document. Silly Fufu. ^^'. HERE'S FEBUARY. FOR REAL._**

**Febuary, 1.**

I woke up this morning quite pleasantly, acutally. I seriously expect someone to tell me I was doing something wrong, or whatever, but I went downstairs and didn't trip. (Or forget pants.) Maybe Febuary will be a lucky month! There probably won't be much of Febuary in here Journal- I think this will be a lucky month. (Considering nothing screwed up as happened to me yet.)

**Febuary, 4.**

I hate Febuary. Someone ruined my "so-called-lucky-month" and told me Valentine's Day was in Febuary. I mean, honestly? Who cares!? The only good thing about Valentine's Day is when Yuki gets PWNED (Ayame learned that recently. Not good.) by the Fanclub. Anyway, now that I look around, it really is starting to look all lovey-dovey around here. Damnit. All the shops go all "Kawaii" (as Tohru would say) on us. They all freaking go out of their way to decorate their stores to be all red and pink. As if it doesn't occur to them like red is blood and pink is guts. Damn, people can be so stupid.

**Febuary, 6. **

I already know what's going to happen tomorrow. It always happens around this time. I am fully prepared. I bought them in advance. Hah.

**Febuary, 7. **

Today I awoke to Tohru clucthing her stomach, looking very sick. I was prepared for this, so I handed her over a box of pre-bought tampons. I figured I was pretty freaking smart- hell- I was thinking in advance! Yeah well. She smiles at me and tells me they won't last long because I had bought "Light." She needs "Super." Like I needed to know.

**Febuary, 9.**

I woke up today to a blubbering idiot. I was enjoying a nice dream- beating up Yuki, untill I heard the door open and a sing-song voice come through. Ayame just announced that he is staying over untill Valentine's Day as a special "five day treat" for Shigure. How wonderful.

**Febuary, 10. **

Alright. So gift shopping is a total drag. Infact, if I could skip all this damn crap I would- but I can't. Anyway, I got lucky and there was a buncha chocolate animals holding hearts. Perfect, right? So I bought Yuki the rat one, but then got hungry and ate so. So yeah, he gets an empty box. I bought Tohru a buncha flowers with a cat chocolate. Heh. I couldn't decide what to give Hana so I gave her a cable cord with a bow attached to it. For Uo, a jock-strap. I'm convinced she's a man, and... that goes to show her for calling me names. Stupid bitch. I got Shigure AND Ayame a Valentines day Barbie. You know, so they can design clothes and stuff. For Haru I got one of those cards that say "Moooo!" when you open 'em. Heh. For Momiji, I got a bunny chocolate, but I punched it a few times, so now it's a buncha little peices. Hope he gets the damn message. I got Kisa a rose, meh. Hiro... heh. Heh. Heh. You don't wanna know. I gave Ritsu a plushie monkey right? But it's broken and it says: "I'm sorry." Oh god. For Hatori I gave him a dragon chocolate. For everyone else, I got 'em chocolate bars. I don't care.

**Febuary, 11.**

I walked downstairs to find Ayame laughing and Tohru's face as red as a tomato. Ayame had given her a wonderful valentine's day gift- early. It was a maid's outfit. Pink, red and white. Her hair was set into two pig tails. She was shaking. Clearly she wasn't comfortable. Poor Tohru. Now Ayame and Shigure are serving their fantasies by making her serve them tea.

**Febuary, 12. **

Filling things in more frequently, I know. I'm dreading Valentine's day. Urgh...

**Febuary, 14.**

Today? Valentines. That means? Girls. They follow me everywhere trying to give me disgusting chocolate, cards, and flowers. I ran the entire day, just trying to get the hell away from them. At the end of the day, I became so freaking tired I accepted the next gift given to me.

It was from a dude.

**Febuary, 18.**

Ayame left today. I feel free, acutally. Not bad... not bad... but today Yankee came over to our house only to hit me across the face with that jock-strap I got her. Hana came too, her cable-cord in hand. Let's just say I'm sore and ready to die.

**Febuary, 28. **

End of "KAWAIIIIII" month. Let's just hope that next month will be better. It's march? Right? Isn't that the month about the freaking "They're after me lucky charms!" Hint there? LUCKY. So you know what? I'm hoping for the best.


End file.
